So, who’s gonna watch you die?

Let’s talk about death. (Look, someone’s gotta do it. Life is all about the same old shit on different days, and sex is not that much fun to talk about anymore, when your friends would snigger at the slightest hint of “blow”. Meh.)

I have always thought the best way to die is to tuck yourself in bed and swallow a bunch of sleeping pills. It is kind of poetic. Like you take so much pills that it will make you sleep until your body never wakes up and shuts down forever. Maybe when all the pills are done in your system, you may wake up already in your grave. I am a quiet girl in person, so if ever I want to take matters into my own hands, this would probably be the right and subtle way to go.

But as life goes on, I came to understand why people would hurt themselves physically. There is a sense of release when you run something as sharp as a razor, or something as blunt as your fingernails down your forearm. It is because you felt this dumb hurt inside of you for so long already, that any kind of pain that is the slightest bit different renews you. All the heartaches that spread all over your body, is gathered and balled into one clean swipe down the arm. Who would not want something as controllable as that? Just remember to bring an extra razor.

And when I am gone, I would maybe like this particular song to be played at my funeral: Gary Jules’ Mad World. I think it would be quite a perfect ending to this thing called life. (Another would be Death Cab’s I Will Follow, but I doubt any elaborations is needed for that).

Nothing corny like the out of tune brass band banging down the street during the procession. Nothing too elaborate like a contrasting joke at my funeral, or someone pulling a Yasmin Ahmad on me. Nothing too religious like a hired priest reading scriptures I do not believe in anymore.

Just perhaps a moment of silence, like how you would be in the presence of someone taking a nap in your living room. Maybe someone with a sad angel voice will be nice enough to sing this song by the mini grand, complemented by a moaning cello. If you may, cry a few tears for me for my sendoff to the blinding light, through tunnels to gates of white.

I think that could just about be enough for me.

Download Gary Jules’ Mad World HERE.

* Backseat Radio does not endorse suicidal attempts. Maybe just entertain them.